Sunday, November 22, 2009

Pink or Blue? : Part 2

Ahaaa!! Ay Caramba!!

Me:So ..err..can you pack this teddy in a Cardboard box?.i have to gift it to someone you see..

Shopkeeper:Oh no! I'm sorry ,but i don't think we have one.Usually these teddy bears don't come in such boxes.

Bulls-eye! tactic i can easily make a drama and get the heck out of that place!So i continued with more tactics.

Me:Ohh(in an innocent tone) Its alright if u have any empty box or something,i can manage with some decoration paper.

Meanwhile i just noticed that the teddy bear's nose had fallen down,And the shop keeper slyly stuck it back on it as if nothing had happened!

Shopkeeper:(seemed uneasy now) Wait i will check if there's any empty box lying in the store or somewhere.And err...I will reduce another 5 dhs just for you,Just wait,I will be back!

He left the premises and i felt this was the perfect time to make my grand escape!But his assistant shop- boy was still there.So i had to do something wicked this time!i quickly grabbed my mobile and dialed *121#(this is what we use to check the Balance credit of our mobile phones in UAE) and faked a call right in front of the shop-boy!

Me:"Oh is it? I am coming then!"!!!!!!

I stepped outside the shop door talking gibberish along the way.
Me: "Ya then you have to press F1,right click,Open,Double-click,Crop,Resize and Exit!!!"

I just waved at the shop boy and ran away from that place as fast as i could!I didn't even look behind and quickly dialed 'Congo' on the phone as i ran.

Me:Dude where the hell are you?

Congo:Ya I'm at the Fish r/a signal.Will reach there in about 5 minutes!

Me:Okay i will be there at the service road!Please hurry up dude!

As i turned around i could see the shop boy running and waving at me.I just ignored him and ran across the dark alley till he was out of sight!

There i could see Congo coming in his SUV.But i was too late and was spotted by the shop boy from across the road.All of a sudden,he grabbed his 'Malapuram kathi' and hurled it towards me!.I had to do that unique MatrixI slow mo "Dodge the bullet/kathi before it ruins your future planning" acrobatics to escape his 'kathi'.Then i jumped heroically through the open window of Congo's vehicle and made a narrow escape and ya i also scared the crap out of congo!That leap deserved an Olympic gold medal!I nearly got myself killed,u know! phew!

[ahem..cough...ahem...cough...ahemm...Okay i must admit i just made up that last paragraph over there..i just wanted to create an atmosphere of tension & violence over here. i guess its a side effect of watching too many Quentin tarantino movies ]

Anyway,what really happened was, I just opened the car door and then closed it like a normal person,wore my seat belt and rode along safely with Congo.There was no one following me.

Finally we were headed to our usual destination,ie Qusais near 'Ghafoorkas Thattukada'
Along the way Congo asked me

Congo: So what are you planning to buy?

Me: A teddy bear :) !

Congo: hahahaha

(I could easily sense that was his trademark "You are a pathetic loser and i am a rich fat-ass" laugh)

Me:What's so funny?

(I cursed him in my mind "Next time when you go to Congo,i hope you get raped by those Killer gorillas")

Congo:Do you know the baby is only 6 0r 8 months old?

Me:Ya i know.I felt the baby would love a teddy bear rather than the expensive gifts which the kid wouldn't even know what it is? I bet the baby will love a teddy bear.Who knows it might even become her best friend!

Congo: Anyway i getting gold for the kid.

Me:Oh don't tell me! I thought we were going to plan about this till we meet everyone.

Congo:Hey i have already decided this days ago.So don't blame me!

Me:Okay whatever!

Finally when we reached Qusais.'Jayzee','Batman' and 'Dhalsim' was waiting there for us near the "Thattukada".After the meeting all the 4 guys unanimously came to a decision to buy gold!All of them felt its better to buy gold ,now that ,we all have finally become mature 'grown-ups'.They didn't even listen to my weird suggestion!Even 'Jayzee' decided gold would be better.Anyway majority wins so i decided to hop along with them to select the gold.But i made a condition to them that they had to take me to some baby-shop to buy the teddy bear for me once they finish buying the gold ornaments.They agreed and i went along!They spent around 500 dhs for each item!Man, the gold rates were skyrocketing during this time!Soon as they finished their purchases we came back to the car parking.I was getting ready to decide on where we should go next!Then this happened!

Congo:Guys i have to go home now,I'm feeling hungry.

Dhalsim:Okay guys,see you tomorrow!

Batman:I have to get up early tomorrow morning!I have to go to the Indian embassy!

I couldn't believe these guys ,my good friends,were saying this to me.So i responded back.

Me:Guys i thought we were supposed to go the Baby-shop now.I have to get a teddy remember?

Jayzee:Ya is there any good shop nearby?

Dhalsim: No Lets go home now!

Me:Guys i only need 10 minutes.I thought it would be helpful since you guys are around,You might be able to help me right?You know my weird choices na? C'mon guys!

Dhalsim: Shut up Jayzee!Its just a teddy na,we will get it tomorrow!

Me:But I have work Tomorrow,I don't think i will have time to get one!C'mon i only need 10 minutes!The party is at 7.30 and i can only reach home by 6.30!C'mon guys!

Dhalsim: We can go tomorrow,i will come na.Trust me!

I somehow knew that if i trusted him on this the baby will never get that gift from me!
I couldn't believe he actually said that to me,i felt so horrible and angry at the same time.
I just said

"Okay leave it,Bye"

And we dispersed.

I didn't ride along with Congo that night,I went with batman.

Batman tried to console me promising to come along with me the next day,But somehow i couldn't hear anything that he said.I was going through all this weird emotions inside my freaking head,which was strange coz usually i am a cheerful person.

I somehow experienced the same thing the 'small' Kamal Haasan felt in Appu Raja,when he was made a witness to his crush's register marriage.I couldn't believe my own friends did this to me!Except for 'Jayzee',rest all just ditched me!Why did they have to drag me along when they knew i wasn't going to buy gold.I just couldn't understand,Where they ashamed of coming with me to buy a teddy??? I was so pissed off that i wanted to crush something!I was afraid The HULK would come off from me and smash a few cars.I mean this was a bad day for me.What all did i had to go through today? And what do i get in return? This????!!!!!



to be continued....

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Pink or Blue? Part-1

I was planning to put a end to that uncompleted SRK post today because the comments were getting too controversial.But something better came up and i HAD to write this NOW itself!Sorry SRK and Mommies,you will have to wait a bit longer!

As usual i was busy laying on my bed and milking my cows!

err...wait a sec..that above sentence
didnt sound quiet right.did it?

What i actually meant was i was milking my cows in a virtual farm game called 'Farmville' on Facebook! And FYI my Desktop computer is placed on my bed!So that when i wake up every day the first thing i get to see is Shruthi hasan's face!Now you know why i am a weirdo!

Anyway back to the story!
My friend 'Uncle bob' called me that day.He was among the guys in our gang who got married very prematurely!We all used to consider him as the big fat baby in our gang!And can u believe it,even he has a kid now!The naming of his kid was itself a big story,we can discuss about that in the "Close encounters of the weird kind" segment later.

Back to the phone conversation.
Bob: Gellooo Rakku mone..

Me: Helloo *with Super surround bass

Bob: Bass Kurakade mone!!
(Please reduce your Bass child)

Me: Okay what do you want?

Bob: This Thursday ,get ready and reach 'Eat and drink Restaurant' at 7 pm.We are having a party..

Me:Okay! cool!! party...woohoo!!!So what's the big occasion?

Bob: Its my child's 'Mamodisa'

Me: The what?

Bob:Mamodisa will be at the church at 2 and then the party at 7.Be there!You should come! Nee illandu enthu aagosham!
(What Celebration without you oh great rakesh ruler of the world)

Me: AWW thanx man...i will be there!Roger that!

After the end of conversation i thought "Aha..This party is a perfect opportunity
for me to hunt for some potential female prey..buhahahahaha....muhahahhaa..har har

So the day passed,i was again busy at work.Then i got another call from 'Jayzee jai' that day

JJ: Did 'Bob' call you?

Me: Ya right..I will be there man!

JJ: So what are you Planning to get for him?

Me: Huh?

JJ: I mean the baby.Aren't you going to Gift something for the baby?

Me: whaaaaaaaat?

JJ:Err..then what?

Me: Is it necessary? I mean the kid is only 6 months old!

JJ:Anyway..'Lothar','Batman' and 'Congo' are planning to Buy Gold..

Me:Oh i see.....wait a sec...GOLD??????

Me:Are you guys crazy? GOLD??? Why would you want to get a little baby GOLD??I mean the baby wouldn't even be knowing what its wearing! And besides its too bad! We dont want to inflict on the kid with that horrible habit called 'Gold fever' which is affecting the whole of India!And how can you be so certain that 'Uncle bob' wont sell the gold to buy new video games?? Just Think about it!

JJ:Anyway we haven't decided anything.We can meet later in person and discuss about this!

Me:Okay,You now na,i cant afford to buy gold n all.There's got to be other options right?

JJ:Anyway catch you later!

After that conversation with 'Jayzee' i realized i should get something for the baby!But what will i get?i have never bought anything for a 'real' baby before!
I took out my lean purse and looked inside and i found a Bus card,The train card and a Photoshoped photograph of myself!I digged deep into the inner pocket of the purse and found atlast 50 dirhams! Sigh!I just remembered i had spent all the previous months salary on the houserent n stuff!And then i realized i was totally broke!

Man bob!! Why do you have to conduct a party when Rakesh is broke!!???i screamed looking up to the sky!

I was totally confused.I could even borrow money from my friends,because i already owed them some!So i decided to call 'Mr Lothar' for some suggestions!

Me: edaaa...What do i get for the baby? I'm totally broke!

Lothar:Its alright man..Gift is not that important!Chill man!

Me:Btw what are you getting for the baby?

Lothar:hmm..Maybe a small Gold bracelet!


Now i was even more tensed.Damn it!Why is gold so important in this world???

Meanwhile I had 'Jayzee' on Callwaiting,So i disconnected and began talking to him.

JJ:So what did you decide?

Me:I have no idea.. sigh..and i am broke man!

JJ:Hey why don't you get a baby set or something.That will be Good.

Me:You think so?

JJ:Ya That's okay!Anyway we will be coming in the evening.we can decide then!

Me:Okay fine.I'm leaving now.Do call me when you guys come.Okay bye

After work i decided to check for some baby gifts from the Supermarkets near my place.
First i thought what would i get.I saw many baby clothes,tiny baby shoes and those bay sets with baby shampoo's n stuff!I don't know why,but i didn't feel like buying those,even though it was not that expensive and yet it was in my limited budget!Then i thought to myself,if i were a little baby,what would i love to have?


  • A Sledge Hammer?
  • A Punching bag?
  • A Gas mask?
  • A pair of Bruce-lee nunchuks?
Oh now i am getting carried away!Those were the things i wanted as a kid!But Uncle Bob's baby is baby girl right?Okay girls like dolls right? Naa its too common,and dolls freak me out!And it might be plastic,and i guess its not safe for kids to play with plastics!

Then suddenly a thought struck me!The dim bulb which used to be in its idle state on my head for eons began to glow in its full glory!

I should get a teddy bear!!

That would be perfect!Even i had a teddy!I mean i still have it!It is still wearing my small clothes! And even vimmmu had one!And the baby will love it!

So teddy bear it is!

Unfortunately there wasn't any teddy bears left in the supermarket.So i wandered around other nearby shops.I happened to notice a Gift shop with some teddy bears inside!The shopkeeper who was one of those Infamous 'Kasargod Malabaris' who are known for being the biggest fraudsters in South India!He caught my stare!I knew before entering the shop itself this would be a bad idea!
He was looking at me like a viscous wolf!
I noticed one cute medium sized doll which was pink in color and had 'girl' written on it.I thought it would be perfect!

The shopkeeper meanwhile knew it somehow i liked it.I knew he would increase the price sky-high that moment itself!Anyway i asked him the price,he said 55 dirhams!I knew this would only cost around 40 dirhams!

And then he added further

"This doll plays gooooood music when you press it on its hands/paws;wait i will show you"

Okay i was amused by his tactics and was curious to see what his extra 15 dirhams was worth!
He put some Chinese batteries and inserted into the opening inside the teddies ass and then he asked me to touch the paw!

I said "okay" and reached towards the paw..The loud music which came from the teddy belly literally blew me off the ground!

♫ I like to move it...move it..♫ i like to move it..move it ♫..i like tooooo...♫♫

If you thought the music wasn't bad enough it had those freaking glowing red L.E.D eyes!!That was like the Scariest teddy bear ever created!If this thing scared the hell out of me,imagine what horror it might cause to that poor baby! I cant believe what kind of crazy stuff ,these freaking Chinese guys are creating these days!It was literally the 'teddy bear from hell'!

The shopkeeper thought i was amused to see his freaking teddy and he packed the teddy in a plastic ready to give it to me.I was still in a state of shock that i wasn't able to react to anything for a few minutes!

The shopkeeper kept on saying "Since you liked this teddy so much i am ready to give you a special discount of 5 dirhams"

Everything was blank and i couldn't hear anything for a while.

At that moment i got a incoming call from 'Jayzee'.

JJ: Where are you?
Me:I am in Deira now
JJ:Listen 'Congo' will be coming to pick you up!
Me:OK thank god!
Meanwhile the cunning shopkeeper kept waiting looking at my face as i finished my call.I knew i had to get away from this cunning 'beep' before he forces me to buy the 'Evil Teddy' !!I had to think fast!And i prayed to the almighty bollwood god SRK to help me in delivering an oscar winning performance just to get past this weird situation!

What will i do??? Think Rakesh! think!What would Bart-gyver do in such a situation?


Ahaaaaaaa!! Ay! caramba!

To be continued......

Monday, November 2, 2009

Shah Rukh Khan! My Inspiration!


Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Almost Sunrise!

Almost Sunrise and still no sign of getting any genuine or unforced b'day wishes this year.What will I do??I even added the links of my "Midnight" post on every networking site that exists in the whole wide universe.I also send many indirect messages to all my friends on Facebook,telling them to read the post and in the process,making them wish me indirectly.

For eg:
This was what i wrote on Anand's wall on Facebook who is currently in Congo on a Project(Dude Do Stay away from those wild gorillas .They are nasty)

"do u know y GOD sent u to africa? there's a good reason for tht! if u visit my blog frm congo..u will be the first man from africa to read my blog!:) so plz do visit my blog! this will complete my record!"

But still nothing happend! No one remembered!Damn It!!
People!! Havent you ever noticed that Birthday reminder thingy on your profiles?.They are there for a reason!!

Okay i am running out of patience.Its time for evasive action!
Plan B Rakesh!! Plan B!!

Let me check out for any Bhakras on Gtalk!No time to even think about prestige and honor or even humilation!I am going to force a wish from someone this time!I dont care a damn about what others think abt me & No one can stop me! Har Har ahAr HAr har ahah!

Hmm, let me see who do we have here?

Oh its that nerd Koola from college.Hmm.. i dont think its such a good idea but what the heck!

: Hi Koola :P Hru?

Koola : *silent*

Koola :Koola is Offline Forever

Rakesh:Grrrr!!!Damn it Koola!!!! I hate you,man!"

Okay this is not going well,Lets see who else is in the list?
Ohh wait! Isnt tht the 'saintly sinner'? Cool!I think i can get a wish from him...hehe.Afterall he is like my own big brother na.Nothing can go wrong!hehe

Rakesh : ahem... ahem... ahem

Saintlysinner: ok?

Rakesh : chk out my latest post and then we shall speak!

Saintlysinner: whats the post ? the midnight one ?

Rakesh : ya

Saintlysinner: am i supposed to do now ? :) I read it.. :-P

Rakesh : wish me!!!

Saintlysinner: hmm...wish on ?

Rakesh : dude, i am not rich enough to call u to switzerland !!

Saintlysinner: and for what ? its your b'day ?

Rakesh : d'oh yaaa!! i know its pretty late now...

Saintlysinner: many many happy returns of the day! :)

Rakesh : Hmm!! very well, thnk u :) evn though its a way bit too late

Saintlysinner: so you are desperate then ?

Rakesh : and it took me a post and a threat to get tht one out of u

Saintlysinner: so..where was the threat ?

Rakesh : the exclamation marks!! See"!!!!" see!! :) anyway, I am sorry for bugging u bro..hehe

Saintlysinner: ya...ya..i get your desperation on not getting any wishes...:) no one likes you,eh? ;-)

Rakesh : i can still cant understand y !! sigh! :( Is it my hairstyle,bro?

Saintlysinner:no..i guess its the entire thing beneath the hair

Rakesh : ouch!!ok thts it! im outa here hehe

Saintlysinner: :)

Saintlysinner: what are you upto this late? Threatening people to go through your blog? er..i mean wish you ?

Rakesh : naa..thts over

Rakesh :but i did see those movies which u had recommended; that cave movie as well!

Saintlysinner: descent, right ? amazin one..

Rakesh : ya

Saintlysinner:they are coming out with the second part..

Rakesh : yaa

Rakesh :i am never entering a cave in my life….

Rakesh :with women!!!!!

Saintlysinner: ;-) or maybe the other way around..

Rakesh : okay ini ninnaal sheriyaaagilla!! im goin bro. thnx once again for ur 'wishes' hehe

Rakesh :take care n cowabunga dude!!

Saintlysinner: cowabunga!

Rakesh :And ooh yeah I AM THREATENING YOU TO COMMENT ON MY BLOG!!!........

Saintlysinner: phooey...

Rakesh : with 3 exclamation marks!! and another 2 ….byeeeeeeeeeeee!!

Saintlysinner: bye..

After finishing this coversation i felt like this was the best birthday wish i ever had in recent times..err..even though i had forced him to wish me.. hehe.. :)
Anyway you are super cool saintly sinner!!You Rock!And hey guess what, its sunrise now! Wooo-hooo!!

Happy bday Rakesh and Good night world!
Time for me to sleep!
Ahhhrr...Noo...Its the freakin Sun on my face!!
Let me Dive into my blankets for cover!Yawnnnnnn......!!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Almost midnight!

Its almost midnight now and no sign of her! She never used to be this late.Its really getting dark and scary outside!I can hear the nasty pattanis & nigerians laughing on the road. Where could she possibly be?Why isnt she calling me till now?She never forgets to inform me if she was goin to be this late?

Cmon Rakesh,Be positive ,maybe her phone battery is down or maybe her phone might have ran out of credit or something.She will definetly call!Be patient

Its 12.20 already,i think i should call her,just to be safe.No wait,she might freak out.Remember.last time she almost murdered me for trying to be too impatient in front of her!She is a big girl,she knows what to do!

Its 12.30 now
What if she is sick?You know its the flu season na.What if she is too sick to call me?
What if she has been kidnapped by someone? Oh Noooo!!
This cant be happening! I am getting paranoid now!

Maya where are you??
Oh god,why are you testing my patience?
Why do you have to be so stubborn?Why cant you let me call you?I know that you made me promise that i wouldnt try to call you this time,but still maya ,i am worried about you!

12.45 now

Okay thats it
I am gonna call you right now,I dont care about the promise!

!triing...triing....triing..Masakali masakalii..aah..masakalii....!!!

Me: Hello?? Helloo???

Maya: yawnWWn!!

Maya:Rakesh?? what is it???


Maya: What did i do now??? *confused*

Maya:Do you know what the time it is now?? yawnn

Me:Actually DO YOU know what the time is it NOW?


Me: WELL YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO WISH ME 40 minutes ago!!!!

Me:Its My Birthday!! :(

Maya:Oh god!..Well..its goin to be your 'dead-day'..if you dont cut the damn phone & go to sleep!!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Close Encounters of the weird kind-1

For the first time in Blog history Wierdworld proudly presents
Close encounters of the weird kind

Starring Jon Heder as Jayzee El Nerdo and our very own egg head superstar Adam sandler as Stony kidcobra.Weirworld's first post featuring real actors who play play weird characters in this post even without their own knowledge or permission! I may even get sued after finishing this post!But what the heck all the events take place on planet Weirdworld right?,so i am pretty much safe!Well i guess so! Okay whatever.Over to the story now!

This little conversation is based on a true story which happened a few days back with me and one of my friends.I chose not to play myself in this story because of threats of "getting kicked on the Butt" by certain hooligans.So i chose to cast in Jon Heder(Napoleon Dynamite & The Benchwarmers fame) and Adam sandler (My future movie producer) for the parts of Stony and Jayzee. Hey Adam & John,I really wished if you guys could have been a part of my now stalled Youtube movie , i am really sorry guys coz i am pretty much broke now!So you will have to bear with me and act in this for free!

This is what happens when two weirdos from two different planets collide!
Jayzee is a nerd who spends way too much time in Facebook who thinks updating his status every few minutes(For eg:Jayzee is thinking! ,Jayzee is thinking what to do,Jayzee is thinking what to put on his Facebook status!) and playing Mafia wars is a cool way to attract chicks!

Stony Kidcobra is a unemployed business man who spends most of his time watching movies and commenting on blogs.He is almost certain that by 2012 , humans will be taken over by machines
and that the date of the apocalypse is on December 12 ,2012.

And these two weirdos happens to be good friends.So lets see whats happening in their lives.Come on lets have a peek.

Stony kidcobra:Hi wassup buddy? where the fish have you been?

Jayzee jai Elnerdo:I'm cool man,I was around.Boy do i have a great news for you buddy!.You are not going to believe this.I bet you are going to be so thrilled when you hear this man!

Stony kidcobra: Now what?, Please dont tell me ,Some Crazy stalker lady commented on your stupid blog again?

Jayzee jai Elnerdo:No No...This is way bigger than that.This is huge man.You wont believe this! I am finally getting married man.It was my parents selection.Yeah!!!! And by the way,about that Blog visitor well, she was not a stalker she was just a spooky 13 year old!D'uh!

Stony kidcobra:No way!!What the fish? Am i hearing this right? What do you mean ,Your parents selected for you?They supported you on this whole thing. That is so weird dude! hahahaha!

Jayzee jai Elnerdo:Yeah, Kinda of.But for me it was like love at first sight! Sigh! [Doing his nerdy girlish laugh again""..LOLaalalahohoho LOLaaahoho...LOLalalalahoho...."Ya He laughs in the same way as he types in Facebook]

Stony kidcobra:haha..what the fish! Tht's like the funniest thing i have heard since a long time..hahaha..i still cant believe that you are finally getting laid dude.Congratulations little man!

Jayzee jai Elnerdo:Man you are horrible! That wasn't cool.Be serious man,i am like getting married for the first time in my life .That's like the biggest thing that can possibly happen in my freaking life man. And you are supposed to support me on this .This is very important for me. :(

Stony kidcobra: Okay Okay i am sorry dude,i was kidding.I am really happy for you man.But this is fishing hilarious.I just cant stop laughing!

Jayzee jai Elnerdo:Man i have something serious to tell you.I was decided to make you my best man for the wedding.You are like the only best friend i have.You should be there for me dude!

Stony kidcobra:(After pausing for a while) Maaan now you are making me all emotional.I don't know what to say.I am really honored man.Even though you are fishing annoying,you are Kinda funny in a nerdy sort of way and i really do have a special place for retards like you, in my heart.

Anyway this is the first time someone has ever said something like this to me;infact this is the first time i am ever going to attend a wedding!!

Jayzee jai Elnerdo:What do you mean dude? You mean to say,you have never attended a wedding before?

Stony kidcobra:sob man this is my first time..........

Jayzee jai Elnerdo: AWW..i dont know what to say man... :(

Stony kidcobra:Ya Thats right Jayzee! i never had a gay friend like you before and this will be the first time that i am gonna witness a gay marriage!! ..Aaaahhahahaha....ngyahahaahahahaha..muhahahaha..OOH SHIT I AM SOOO EVIL HAR HARHAR!!

Jayzee jai Elnerdo: FISH you MAN!!Screw You! You will rot in hell!

Stony kidcobra:Ya i know i know...Yeahahahahah.Oh i just love being evil! HARHARHARAAAAHAHAR

Picture courtesy:

Adam sandler's egg head: I stole it from google
Napoleon dynamite : It was like stealing a candy from a baby
Evil bart : Homer still owes me some money for the donuts he ate from me.So i can use bart as my slave till he pays me back

Special thanks :Jais Joy,Subin,Bart,Adam & Jon

Friday, July 24, 2009

Crap book :Crapbook helps you connect and share with the freaks in your life!

Hail Satan!! buhaha!

I am back with another one! I am on fire people!

This post is about something related to how social networking sites have affected our lives. From HI5, Orkut, Facebook, Myspace to Twitter, It’s spreading everywhere!Even Mallika sherwat figured out how to use twitter to expose globally! And it’s turning more Men into perverts! Don’t believe me? Then Check out this online chat conversation! This is not like those 55er posts like those in other blogs because I am too lazy to even count the words. So you can call this whatever you want! Here goes!

Two perverts chatting between two continents

stud_swamy84 : dude I can’t access orkut

sooper_iishtar1986 : who cares about orkut man..i dont use it nowadays

stud_swamy84: how come man??

sooper_iishtar1986: well..i dont see anyone scrapping me nowadays

stud_swamy84 : hehe..i think tht "any one" might have got married to someone else.

sooper_iishtar1986: well..tht might be a reason as well.

stud_swamy1984: oh dear lord..wht will we do now???

sooper_iishtar1986: dude does that mean we all should think about getting married ??

stud_swamy1984: ya that’s sounds brilliant.......errr....then will u tell ur wife to scrap!!???

Disclaimer: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Any resemblance to me and studswamy84 is also purely coincidental and if you still think that its me…then all I have to say to is…you have 30 seconds to leave this blog immediately or be ready to face your ultimate doom! And ya..No animals were hurt during the making of this post so far….So don’t make me do it if you are planning to stay here longer than the above said time limit!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Bumble bee is gay!

That’s right people!!!

He is gay!

Well not only him I will say the whole TRANSFORMERS ARE GAY!

Hiiii everyone!! Long time no see? Hehe .Before I start, I know what you might all be wondering where the hell I was this whole time? Well I guess the world go too weirder for me to handle. Anyway I am back once again. You might think this blog is only about false promises and all this is just crap. Now I have decided to end this dry spell of posts and now I am here to revive my now deserted planet. I am back people. The king has returned. And please don’t ask me what happened to my movie and Satan. I will get to that later!

Now where was I? ahh Gumble gay.

That’s right. This is gonna be my first ever Movie review(well..kind of)

All started last Saturday when I went to see Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen or T2: ROTF as they call it for short. Hey that ROTF sounds like that ROTFL internet acronym right? But it wasn’t ROFL material at all; I later realized that what it actually meant was Run Out the Theatre Fast!!

Man you won’t believe how long I had been waiting to catch this movie on the big screen. I was even planning to catch this movie on an IMAX theatre. You won’t believe how much I was pumped up with excitement to see those cool robots! I had my own solid reasons for that.

  • First it had to do something with nostalgia.
  • Second was the fact that I knew the special effects were gonna to be kick ass because I had seen some of the theatrical trailers which came along during the Terminator Salvation.
  • And the third! Well… I like robots & I am a huge terminator fan. I know its not fair to even compare the Terminator universe with the Transformers but still.
  • Also a reason could be the fact that I wasn’t able to watch the first transformer movie when it released in India.

You won’t believe how disappointed I was when the movie got changed from my local theater by the time I finally decided to go watch the movie.
Then finally after all these years of waiting I decided “This time No one is going to stop ME from watching this!

So there I was all pumped up with excitement and lots of expectations to go watch the movie .This time I decided to go all alone for a change, because I didn’t have the patience to bring my friends along, mainly for the reason that I would have to explain them the whole movie scene by scene even before I could see it all by myself .In fact this is the 1st time I am watching a movie alone after a long long time. Sigh! L Yes I was selfish and evil this time! And I am pretty much sure my friends would have cursed me for this because later I had to bear all the consequences alone!

Anyway coming to the movie, as usual I arrived late! I missed the first 2 minutes!! Damn it! I always get late for everything. This is one bad habit of mine which I have been trying to correct unsuccessfully for the past 22 years!

As soon as I set eyes on the screen it was “Boom Boom Bang Bang Pow Kakkssreeeenk..phwaishtoww”!!! Man I was getting so excited seeing the action! I thought this would like another cool Terminator Salvation and rushed blindly towards the Usher guy in the dark stamping on the feet of the people sitting nearby. Then the dude told my seat was on the 11th row and there u go!!

He put me right next to these two annoying mushy wushy Middle Eastern love birds!!

OOhh the HORROR!!!

At that moment I realized this wont end well I had a really bad feeling about this! I could easily tell that this was a bad omen for the bad things that were going to happen in front of me!

Then there I sat, clearly irritated in my seat and began watching the movie. To be honest well I was kinda enjoying the movie at the beginning because I thought that Shia Lebeouf dude was cool and off course Megan fooooox…hehe she was super hooooot!!

I mean the sight of Megan fox sitting on the bike with her ass in the air!!

Wooooooooo …hhaaaat! :P

But as they say “All good things has to come to an end in one way or the other”

[WARNING: MAJOR! MAJOR! SPOILERS AHEAD! DO NOT PROCEED I REPEAT DO NOT PROCEED IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THIS MOVIE! …………….Hmm.. On second thought! What the fish!! I don’t care a damn. I can write whatever I want. You won’t be watching this movie anyway after you finish reading this and if you still have a problem with this!! WELL I DON’T CARE…GET OFF MY LAWN!! Losers !]

From that point onwards it was more “Kapoom pamm pamm boom freeeskk”!!

I mean it was getting irritated after a while. If the onscreen action wasn’t irritating enough for me, the off-screen action of the ‘mushy- wushies’ was the most “un-sahikable” part of my entire movie!

I mean they were crazy!! The guy was a dumbass trying to impress the girl! Every time she sees a Dog or Bumble bee on screen she would go “Aww soo cute poopiee…Aww cute robhooth!

I didn’t know how to react! I was like laughing and crying at the same time! Then there was this scene where they showed a dog humping another dog and this Ugly Romeo guy was trying to impress his gf saying..."Iy alsjo Haff a dhog like thath"

He would keep on repeating the same shit over and over again “Iy haff Gar like thath”

I kept on wondering if he would repeat the same when he they showed John turturro’s family jewels!

When they showed Egypt on screen he would start again by telling all that bullshit loudly “Thaz iz eeegypt. bery nice blace thu liff” and the girl laughs with him for no reason!

And this guy laughs exactly after 10 seconds when anything funny happens on screen only after he realizes that other are also laughing too! What a moron! Now you might have understood what all I had to go through both on-screen and off-screen!

Anyway let me talk something about the movie now! This was supposed to a movie review right, not a Theatre review..hehe.. Well to be frank, I was very disappointed! This was not what I had expected. I mean I know they spend a huge fortune on the effects n all, it was indeed brilliant but only if they could have zoomed out a bit on the action scenes so that I can know what is fighting what. I mean all the robots looked the same to me. I mean they should at least consider wearing some jerseys like in a football match with the names on their backs. Man this is so confusing. My head was totally spinning around all the time.

This movie reminded me of some old Bollywood movie where Rajesh khanna gets beaten, stabbed, shot, and buried alive and later he crawls out from the grave like a retarded zombie to save our ‘heroiny’ Megaafoxxy. The only thing missing was an item number! Phew!

Now from what I have seen I have come to a conclusion that Bumble- bee as well as all the robots in this movie is gay! First of all, from the name itself its so obvious. I mean who calls an alien robot Bumble bee for Satans-sake!

I will tell you what’s wrong with bumble bee

  • He lives with a boy in his garage(If that wasn’t creepy enough)
  • When a super hot fem-bot sits with him on his lap and what does our cuddly Bumble- bee do? He spits on her, bangs her head and tries to kill her!!
  • He sings gay songs from the radio
  • He cries & makes puppy eyes to a boy!!
  • He hangs out with other gay-bots

I don’t think I have to explain more!

I also can’t understand how this movie passed the censors!!

There were way too many humping scenes for a kid’s movie. I think Michael lost it completely in this movie by including too many sex jokes.

  • First you see the some gay dogs humping each other
  • Devastator humping the Great pyramid of Giza with his ‘devasticles’
  • The tiny piece of metal crap called the little ween-bot humping Megan fox.
  • Megatron humping Optimus.

I thought this was supposed to be a kid friendly movie. It was shocking when they showed Devastator’s balls on screen!! "The Devasticles" was so grose!

What was Bay thinking?

I had sleepless nights after that!

The story has too many flaws a robot dying and getting resurrected my fairy dust.

Shia Lebeoufs hand getting burned and mysteriously getting plastered all of a sudden.

The Robo-dog(Ravage) running over the fence and vomiting balls was so gay

haha and the balls turn into robots! The little robots joining together to become a bigger robot was gay too!

I think the Main problem with ROTF was that it had way too many robots

I would say that Terminator salvation was way better than this in the sense that it had only limited number robots but they seemed way cooler and intelligent than these stupid gay robots. There was variety like the bike- bots, hyrobots and the arnie-bot and the way in which the action scenes were captured was away better in Terminator salvation .The explosions looked great because it was zoomed out, whereas in ROTF the close-up shots made me dizzy! I could only figure out that something was fighting something and people running like crazy around amidst the chaos!

Talking about running the only thing that kept my concentration going was to see Megan fox running in slow-mo! She was running all over the place for gods know why!

It was literally a Hot run feast! hehe

Now I know I can always count on Megan fox if Angelina Jolie dies of tattoo poisoning or while having “umptuplets”.Anyway the way things are going I think Michael bay might even turn her into a robot the Mega-foxbuttron!!

I think the movie could have been better if it weren’t for all the unnecessary explosions and complicated special effects. I know Michael bay is known for his explosions but here he made the robots look so gay-It was literally Metal on metal action hehe. The initial part had a story then it was just running, screaming and explosions. Bay Made it Gay!

Finally to conclude there can only be One! The best Robot in the history of world cinema! Arnie of T2:Judgement day! U SUCK BUMBLE- BEE!! EAT SCRAP!!

(I don’t like the way Bumblee is looking at arnie..haha)

Phew this post was longer than I expected. Anyway I had promised you all about my post on meeting Satan. Sorry to disappoint you people. But Satan is on vacation now in Gods own country. He has promised to send us post cards though. There is also a special competition organized by Satan for our weirdworld where you get a chance to win a free trip to hell for commenting! So hurry up send in your comments Now!

Hasta Lavista Weirdos!


Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Damn you Recession!!

Fellow Weirdos!I am back after a long break!! buhahahaha!!
Well..i was busy with some weird stuff back here on planet earth.Phikar' not I am back again on the blogosphere...hmmmm....correction........weirdosphere!!....Now thats the word we should be using here from now on!
I know everyone will be eager to know about what ever happened to the movie that i was talking about in the previous post.Well the story is almost done.But i am facing problems and its all because of the recession & financial crisis!!

why that stupid little recession #$*@!!

The main actors are ever so demanding nowadays.They keep asking me to change their roles.Some aren't comfortable with the costumes i told them to wear.I mean..C'mon,Grass is a natural fiber right guys!I cant understand why they are refusing to wear it?Still those stupid actors wont even listen to me.Some even walked out of the sets.The financial meltdown has affected us in such a bad way that i had to cut short my actors,I had to make a dude play a female dudette, use a fat cat as a lion.I even had to use cut short my Matrix style effects and had to re-enact those scenes by just using a string,carrot and a fishing rod....This is all what i could afford...:(
Damn you financial crisis @#$!!
I was also thinking about acting all those roles myself incase if all the actors decide to ditch me and walk away off the sets.Kamal Hassan dude,u surely will have tough competition if i ever had to go by that decision.So beware!

Anyway Jokes apart,the truth is that i was really busy and i couldnt get enough time to co-ordinate with my freinds.But i must tell u,the story is a pakka entertainer.I am getting into the background story of each character.Each person among my freinds will be joked about their funniest and awkward incidents.So i am just preparing more masala for the final shoot.But the movie will take more time to finish.As of now i have an excuse in the name of "financial crisis".
But phikar not weirdos ..main hoon na!! I will keep my word.My movie will be premiering first exclusively on this weirdosphere pretty soon!! So please have patience people! And wish us all the best!

Donations are always accepted in account of the global financial crisis! hehe

Meanwhile the movie is still under production,i have decided to blog for the time being.From the next post onwards i will be writing about some old incidents from my real life back on earth.I have decided to call this as the 'Flashback series'!I will try to post atleast one incident each week .Well that's because there were so many weird incidents in my life that i dont know where to start from.Okay here's a little preview of the next post

The title of the post will be called "The day I saw Satan!!"
Don't get confused people..i am not a Satan woshipper! hehe..
Okay that's it for now!

Cowabunga weirdos!!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The trailer for my Untitled Movie

Well..I never thought i would have to start my blog with this. But what the heck! My Blog is supposed to be weird!!

What else can be weirder than this video!

Talking about the video,this is going to be my first ever Youtube movie.The thought of making a movie struck my weird brain, after returning from a late night party.I wondered what if, we could make a movie with all my friends in it with special effects and all,that would be so cool!!

So next day i told my friends regarding this and they also felt it was possible.When i saw that they were also keenly interested i started writing the script for our short film.After talking to few of my friends i came up with an idea.The movie shouldn't make any sense at all.It should be a complete masala movie with special effects just like from the late 80's type movies.It must have an item song,a commercial break[ advertisement during the interval break..hehe] and most importantly it should have significant roles for everyone and off course make them look silly..hehe

Finally i came up with basic structure of the script after 2 days of constant discusions with my friends.The characters are almost finalised.Then i decided to play with my camcorder for a while and ended up making this small video which i now call a "trailer".I woke up my drunk tamilian friend who had nothing else to do at ,and i decided to shoot this video.And boy oh boy,he handled the camera well eventhough he was drunk.And this is what I did.When i saw the end result i was sure that the movie is going to Rock as well![My tamilian friend arun was also 'rocking'..hehe]

Okay I think thats about it for now.I will keep updating about the movie to my weird world people soon!! As of now enjoy the video!

Cowabunga People!!!

Statutory warning:
DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME! ...........................................................
Unless you are under the careful supervision of a well qualified drunk tamilian friend!
Also repeated viewing of this video was known to cause severe brain damage to some weird people.So just be careful guys!