Saturday, November 21, 2009

Pink or Blue? Part-1

I was planning to put a end to that uncompleted SRK post today because the comments were getting too controversial.But something better came up and i HAD to write this NOW itself!Sorry SRK and Mommies,you will have to wait a bit longer!

As usual i was busy laying on my bed and milking my cows!

err...wait a sec..that above sentence
didnt sound quiet right.did it?

What i actually meant was i was milking my cows in a virtual farm game called 'Farmville' on Facebook! And FYI my Desktop computer is placed on my bed!So that when i wake up every day the first thing i get to see is Shruthi hasan's face!Now you know why i am a weirdo!

Anyway back to the story!
My friend 'Uncle bob' called me that day.He was among the guys in our gang who got married very prematurely!We all used to consider him as the big fat baby in our gang!And can u believe it,even he has a kid now!The naming of his kid was itself a big story,we can discuss about that in the "Close encounters of the weird kind" segment later.

Back to the phone conversation.
Bob: Gellooo Rakku mone..

Me: Helloo *with Super surround bass

Bob: Bass Kurakade mone!!
(Please reduce your Bass child)

Me: Okay what do you want?

Bob: This Thursday ,get ready and reach 'Eat and drink Restaurant' at 7 pm.We are having a party..

Me:Okay! cool!! party...woohoo!!!So what's the big occasion?

Bob: Its my child's 'Mamodisa'

Me: The what?

Bob:Mamodisa will be at the church at 2 and then the party at 7.Be there!You should come! Nee illandu enthu aagosham!
(What Celebration without you oh great rakesh ruler of the world)

Me: AWW thanx man...i will be there!Roger that!

After the end of conversation i thought "Aha..This party is a perfect opportunity
for me to hunt for some potential female prey..buhahahahaha....muhahahhaa..har har

So the day passed,i was again busy at work.Then i got another call from 'Jayzee jai' that day

JJ: Did 'Bob' call you?

Me: Ya right..I will be there man!

JJ: So what are you Planning to get for him?

Me: Huh?

JJ: I mean the baby.Aren't you going to Gift something for the baby?

Me: whaaaaaaaat?

JJ:Err..then what?

Me: Is it necessary? I mean the kid is only 6 months old!

JJ:Anyway..'Lothar','Batman' and 'Congo' are planning to Buy Gold..

Me:Oh i see.....wait a sec...GOLD??????

Me:Are you guys crazy? GOLD??? Why would you want to get a little baby GOLD??I mean the baby wouldn't even be knowing what its wearing! And besides its too bad! We dont want to inflict on the kid with that horrible habit called 'Gold fever' which is affecting the whole of India!And how can you be so certain that 'Uncle bob' wont sell the gold to buy new video games?? Just Think about it!

JJ:Anyway we haven't decided anything.We can meet later in person and discuss about this!

Me:Okay,You now na,i cant afford to buy gold n all.There's got to be other options right?

JJ:Anyway catch you later!

After that conversation with 'Jayzee' i realized i should get something for the baby!But what will i get?i have never bought anything for a 'real' baby before!
I took out my lean purse and looked inside and i found a Bus card,The train card and a Photoshoped photograph of myself!I digged deep into the inner pocket of the purse and found atlast 50 dirhams! Sigh!I just remembered i had spent all the previous months salary on the houserent n stuff!And then i realized i was totally broke!

Man bob!! Why do you have to conduct a party when Rakesh is broke!!???i screamed looking up to the sky!

I was totally confused.I could even borrow money from my friends,because i already owed them some!So i decided to call 'Mr Lothar' for some suggestions!

Me: edaaa...What do i get for the baby? I'm totally broke!

Lothar:Its alright man..Gift is not that important!Chill man!

Me:Btw what are you getting for the baby?

Lothar:hmm..Maybe a small Gold bracelet!


Now i was even more tensed.Damn it!Why is gold so important in this world???

Meanwhile I had 'Jayzee' on Callwaiting,So i disconnected and began talking to him.

JJ:So what did you decide?

Me:I have no idea.. sigh..and i am broke man!

JJ:Hey why don't you get a baby set or something.That will be Good.

Me:You think so?

JJ:Ya That's okay!Anyway we will be coming in the evening.we can decide then!

Me:Okay fine.I'm leaving now.Do call me when you guys come.Okay bye

After work i decided to check for some baby gifts from the Supermarkets near my place.
First i thought what would i get.I saw many baby clothes,tiny baby shoes and those bay sets with baby shampoo's n stuff!I don't know why,but i didn't feel like buying those,even though it was not that expensive and yet it was in my limited budget!Then i thought to myself,if i were a little baby,what would i love to have?


  • A Sledge Hammer?
  • A Punching bag?
  • A Gas mask?
  • A pair of Bruce-lee nunchuks?
Oh now i am getting carried away!Those were the things i wanted as a kid!But Uncle Bob's baby is baby girl right?Okay girls like dolls right? Naa its too common,and dolls freak me out!And it might be plastic,and i guess its not safe for kids to play with plastics!

Then suddenly a thought struck me!The dim bulb which used to be in its idle state on my head for eons began to glow in its full glory!

I should get a teddy bear!!

That would be perfect!Even i had a teddy!I mean i still have it!It is still wearing my small clothes! And even vimmmu had one!And the baby will love it!

So teddy bear it is!

Unfortunately there wasn't any teddy bears left in the supermarket.So i wandered around other nearby shops.I happened to notice a Gift shop with some teddy bears inside!The shopkeeper who was one of those Infamous 'Kasargod Malabaris' who are known for being the biggest fraudsters in South India!He caught my stare!I knew before entering the shop itself this would be a bad idea!
He was looking at me like a viscous wolf!
I noticed one cute medium sized doll which was pink in color and had 'girl' written on it.I thought it would be perfect!

The shopkeeper meanwhile knew it somehow i liked it.I knew he would increase the price sky-high that moment itself!Anyway i asked him the price,he said 55 dirhams!I knew this would only cost around 40 dirhams!

And then he added further

"This doll plays gooooood music when you press it on its hands/paws;wait i will show you"

Okay i was amused by his tactics and was curious to see what his extra 15 dirhams was worth!
He put some Chinese batteries and inserted into the opening inside the teddies ass and then he asked me to touch the paw!

I said "okay" and reached towards the paw..The loud music which came from the teddy belly literally blew me off the ground!

♫ I like to move it...move it..♫ i like to move it..move it ♫..i like tooooo...♫♫

If you thought the music wasn't bad enough it had those freaking glowing red L.E.D eyes!!That was like the Scariest teddy bear ever created!If this thing scared the hell out of me,imagine what horror it might cause to that poor baby! I cant believe what kind of crazy stuff ,these freaking Chinese guys are creating these days!It was literally the 'teddy bear from hell'!

The shopkeeper thought i was amused to see his freaking teddy and he packed the teddy in a plastic ready to give it to me.I was still in a state of shock that i wasn't able to react to anything for a few minutes!

The shopkeeper kept on saying "Since you liked this teddy so much i am ready to give you a special discount of 5 dirhams"

Everything was blank and i couldn't hear anything for a while.

At that moment i got a incoming call from 'Jayzee'.

JJ: Where are you?
Me:I am in Deira now
JJ:Listen 'Congo' will be coming to pick you up!
Me:OK thank god!
Meanwhile the cunning shopkeeper kept waiting looking at my face as i finished my call.I knew i had to get away from this cunning 'beep' before he forces me to buy the 'Evil Teddy' !!I had to think fast!And i prayed to the almighty bollwood god SRK to help me in delivering an oscar winning performance just to get past this weird situation!

What will i do??? Think Rakesh! think!What would Bart-gyver do in such a situation?


Ahaaaaaaa!! Ay! caramba!

To be continued......


jyothi said...

Raaaaakkuu i loved it!! And the pic was really funny!Continue ur writing..i m waiting for the upcoming parts!

Sakshi said...

Bob:Nee illandu enthu aagosham!
(What Celebration without you oh great rakesh ruler of the world)

Hello eggjuse me...we Mallus are quiet literate enough to translate that simple sentence...ayye oru panna addition..great rakesh ruler of the world!!!!! *B....e...e..p*

i have never bought anything for a 'real' baby before!...what do you mean by that? what kinda other babies you know? sheesh don't tell me you call ur gf's baby!!!!! arghhh *puke*

ROFL at your baby wish list...thank god I didn't have to shop for a baby like you!!! Sledge hammer???? *faints*

U and Vimmu have teddy's *sakshi gone into coma now* Guys grow up!!!!!!! no wonder both of you are like this ;)

Ha ha to be continued?? you better not tell in the next post that you got that awful scares the shit out of even the fearless Sakshi!!!!!

ROfl at the way your convo on phone goes...are you weird all the time or only on special occasions while talking to special ppl like Vims?

vimmuuu said...

Milking cows??? So thats what you are doing in the middle east, huh? Hmmm....did this happen because of the child abuse that you had to go through because of us ? :D :D :D

Dude, people your age have kids already ??? Im late then, huh? Sigh ! and no, you are too young to get married. you need to reach puberty atleast to get married ! :D :D :D

and you idiot ! I never had a teddy bear !!! that was a wooden bear with..aah, neva mind !

ROFL @ "A Sledge Hammer?A Punching bag?A Gas mask?A pair of Bruce-lee nunchuks?"

So, what happens next ? Did the Duffai police keep you behind bars for scaring an infant ??

manu.scripts said...


You are funny!:-) Am new to the blogosphere and its been cool reading your weirdness.:-)A complete pleasure. Keep up the god work.

Smita said...

Hi Rakesh Uncle hope u managed to buy something good for the kiddo :D

Are you sure you wanted "A Sledge Hammer/A Punching bag/ A Gas mask/ A pair of Bruce-lee nunchuks" as a kid? Wanted to join a terrorist group kya?? :D

And Vimmuuu had a wooden teddy bear? Am already loving your blog, keep revealing such secrets about him & u have me as a regular :D

Hmmm now waiting to know how u come out of the situation :D

Anonymous said...

so u decided to make this as a story and put us down..right raku??

i knw ur doing all thse cos of of ur new frnd!!nw u have him !@#$%

don frget us scientist..u will b always in our heart..n enjoy ur new frnd circle!

Swaram said...

When we meet, pls don't get me that scary teddy :P A nice sweet one will do ;)

i have never bought anything for a 'real' baby before! - Excuse me? Throw some light on this one pls :P

When is this gonna b continued?????

@Vimmuuu: So, u hd a teddy too :P

Zain .. HM said...

aliyaaa kalakki... well presented.
waiting 2 knw teh climax of the story.

Sorcerer said...

that was hilarious..
stumbled across the blog..
cool one :)

so you a keralite!! Well,Not surprised actually!(We keralites should not be.)

Rakesh said...

@Weirdo jyothi

Jyooooooothii i loved ur comment as well! hehe..So u only found the pic funny,huh? sigh!
u dont have to wait anymore,its up now! :)

Rakesh said...

@ Weirdo sakshi

Ithentha ithu??
ente veetil kayari vannitu enne thanne *beep* vilikunno??
u r thani Thara alle? kashtam thanne!

btw On my world..eniku enthu thonyavasavum avaam!

hey..heyy..i am totally innocent there!!..wht i actually meant was,Previously,i had only given a gift to my teacher whose name happened to be 'Baby'.And the gift was just a "stick man" drawing which i made for her.

And i am not Mimoh chakroborthy to address women as jaanu & babe!!!
And yuck!!! don't puke on my blog!!
country ppl!!

OK ok enuff of ur fainting!Next time u faint,i might bury u thinking u r dead!

Cool we just found a new weapon to put u in a coma!
vimmuu u better keep one of those teddy bears with u always,u may never know when they may come handy!

It happens only in weirdworld!

Rakesh said...

@Weirdo Weirmuu
Here, we dont get cows..only camels,and the milk gives u diarrhea! sigh

Puberty!!ohhh so thts the reason for ur late marriage! was a super-ted not a teddy bear,right? ;)

phaa dufai polico??
Don ko pakadna mushkil hi nahi...namumkin hai!

Rakesh said...

@ Weirdo Manu-script

Welcome to weird world!
Hey dude..i'm not at all an expert in blogging ..i have no clue of what i am doing over here..i'm also a struggling actor/blogger!

Do hop in again,i will be happy to entertain u with my weirdness!

Let GOD do his own work,why bother? hehe

Rakesh said...

@ Weirdo Smitha aunty
Welcome to weird world auntyji!I know u like to be called aunty ;)
For me all the ppl who are married are by default auntyjis!Its a sign of 'respect' okie..muhahhaha!

Naa..i wanted to become Rambo !

yep he had a teddy!
Alright! Looks like we have a deal here!
You can enjoy all the uncensored never before heard stories of vimmuuu in the coming episodes!
Stay tuned!

I already came out of tht situation :)

Rakesh said...

@ Weirdo Batman!

Batman is already going down!!wait till u see the last part! muhahaha!


anyway welcome to my blog buddy!

Rakesh said...

@ Weirdo Swaram
Aren't u too old to be playing with teddy bears??

I already threw some light on sakshi!Its not that controversial! :)

Yep he had 1.

Rakesh said...

@ Weirdo Zainl

Welcome to weird world dude!Nice to see u here!Keep visiting!
pedikanta njan ninne patti onnum ezhuthitilla! :)

Rakesh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rakesh said...

@ Weirdo sorcerer

Thanx for stumbling down on weird world :)

Yes i am a Keralite,not a mallu ,but a keralite!i hate that "mallu" word!
And i am glad u acknowledged me as a keralite!:)

Anyway,keep visiting dude!

UmaS said...

What a post - to buy gift for a 6 month old baby and kya drama...but quite funnily written....

I do dont understand why everyone is obsessed with gold !!!

Like ur style of writing. :)