Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Bumble bee is gay!

That’s right people!!!

He is gay!

Well not only him I will say the whole TRANSFORMERS ARE GAY!

Hiiii everyone!! Long time no see? Hehe .Before I start, I know what you might all be wondering where the hell I was this whole time? Well I guess the world go too weirder for me to handle. Anyway I am back once again. You might think this blog is only about false promises and all this is just crap. Now I have decided to end this dry spell of posts and now I am here to revive my now deserted planet. I am back people. The king has returned. And please don’t ask me what happened to my movie and Satan. I will get to that later!

Now where was I? ahh Gumble gay.

That’s right. This is gonna be my first ever Movie review(well..kind of)

All started last Saturday when I went to see Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen or T2: ROTF as they call it for short. Hey that ROTF sounds like that ROTFL internet acronym right? But it wasn’t ROFL material at all; I later realized that what it actually meant was Run Out the Theatre Fast!!

Man you won’t believe how long I had been waiting to catch this movie on the big screen. I was even planning to catch this movie on an IMAX theatre. You won’t believe how much I was pumped up with excitement to see those cool robots! I had my own solid reasons for that.

  • First it had to do something with nostalgia.
  • Second was the fact that I knew the special effects were gonna to be kick ass because I had seen some of the theatrical trailers which came along during the Terminator Salvation.
  • And the third! Well… I like robots & I am a huge terminator fan. I know its not fair to even compare the Terminator universe with the Transformers but still.
  • Also a reason could be the fact that I wasn’t able to watch the first transformer movie when it released in India.

You won’t believe how disappointed I was when the movie got changed from my local theater by the time I finally decided to go watch the movie.
Then finally after all these years of waiting I decided “This time No one is going to stop ME from watching this!

So there I was all pumped up with excitement and lots of expectations to go watch the movie .This time I decided to go all alone for a change, because I didn’t have the patience to bring my friends along, mainly for the reason that I would have to explain them the whole movie scene by scene even before I could see it all by myself .In fact this is the 1st time I am watching a movie alone after a long long time. Sigh! L Yes I was selfish and evil this time! And I am pretty much sure my friends would have cursed me for this because later I had to bear all the consequences alone!

Anyway coming to the movie, as usual I arrived late! I missed the first 2 minutes!! Damn it! I always get late for everything. This is one bad habit of mine which I have been trying to correct unsuccessfully for the past 22 years!

As soon as I set eyes on the screen it was “Boom Boom Bang Bang Pow Kakkssreeeenk..phwaishtoww”!!! Man I was getting so excited seeing the action! I thought this would like another cool Terminator Salvation and rushed blindly towards the Usher guy in the dark stamping on the feet of the people sitting nearby. Then the dude told my seat was on the 11th row and there u go!!

He put me right next to these two annoying mushy wushy Middle Eastern love birds!!

OOhh the HORROR!!!

At that moment I realized this wont end well I had a really bad feeling about this! I could easily tell that this was a bad omen for the bad things that were going to happen in front of me!

Then there I sat, clearly irritated in my seat and began watching the movie. To be honest well I was kinda enjoying the movie at the beginning because I thought that Shia Lebeouf dude was cool and off course Megan fooooox…hehe she was super hooooot!!

I mean the sight of Megan fox sitting on the bike with her ass in the air!!

Wooooooooo …hhaaaat! :P

But as they say “All good things has to come to an end in one way or the other”

[WARNING: MAJOR! MAJOR! SPOILERS AHEAD! DO NOT PROCEED I REPEAT DO NOT PROCEED IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THIS MOVIE! …………….Hmm.. On second thought! What the fish!! I don’t care a damn. I can write whatever I want. You won’t be watching this movie anyway after you finish reading this and if you still have a problem with this!! WELL I DON’T CARE…GET OFF MY LAWN!! Losers !]

From that point onwards it was more “Kapoom pamm pamm boom freeeskk”!!

I mean it was getting irritated after a while. If the onscreen action wasn’t irritating enough for me, the off-screen action of the ‘mushy- wushies’ was the most “un-sahikable” part of my entire movie!

I mean they were crazy!! The guy was a dumbass trying to impress the girl! Every time she sees a Dog or Bumble bee on screen she would go “Aww soo cute poopiee…Aww cute robhooth!

I didn’t know how to react! I was like laughing and crying at the same time! Then there was this scene where they showed a dog humping another dog and this Ugly Romeo guy was trying to impress his gf saying..."Iy alsjo Haff a dhog like thath"

He would keep on repeating the same shit over and over again “Iy haff Gar like thath”

I kept on wondering if he would repeat the same when he they showed John turturro’s family jewels!

When they showed Egypt on screen he would start again by telling all that bullshit loudly “Thaz iz eeegypt. bery nice blace thu liff” and the girl laughs with him for no reason!

And this guy laughs exactly after 10 seconds when anything funny happens on screen only after he realizes that other are also laughing too! What a moron! Now you might have understood what all I had to go through both on-screen and off-screen!

Anyway let me talk something about the movie now! This was supposed to a movie review right, not a Theatre review..hehe.. Well to be frank, I was very disappointed! This was not what I had expected. I mean I know they spend a huge fortune on the effects n all, it was indeed brilliant but only if they could have zoomed out a bit on the action scenes so that I can know what is fighting what. I mean all the robots looked the same to me. I mean they should at least consider wearing some jerseys like in a football match with the names on their backs. Man this is so confusing. My head was totally spinning around all the time.

This movie reminded me of some old Bollywood movie where Rajesh khanna gets beaten, stabbed, shot, and buried alive and later he crawls out from the grave like a retarded zombie to save our ‘heroiny’ Megaafoxxy. The only thing missing was an item number! Phew!

Now from what I have seen I have come to a conclusion that Bumble- bee as well as all the robots in this movie is gay! First of all, from the name itself its so obvious. I mean who calls an alien robot Bumble bee for Satans-sake!

I will tell you what’s wrong with bumble bee

  • He lives with a boy in his garage(If that wasn’t creepy enough)
  • When a super hot fem-bot sits with him on his lap and what does our cuddly Bumble- bee do? He spits on her, bangs her head and tries to kill her!!
  • He sings gay songs from the radio
  • He cries & makes puppy eyes to a boy!!
  • He hangs out with other gay-bots

I don’t think I have to explain more!

I also can’t understand how this movie passed the censors!!

There were way too many humping scenes for a kid’s movie. I think Michael lost it completely in this movie by including too many sex jokes.

  • First you see the some gay dogs humping each other
  • Devastator humping the Great pyramid of Giza with his ‘devasticles’
  • The tiny piece of metal crap called the little ween-bot humping Megan fox.
  • Megatron humping Optimus.

I thought this was supposed to be a kid friendly movie. It was shocking when they showed Devastator’s balls on screen!! "The Devasticles" was so grose!

What was Bay thinking?

I had sleepless nights after that!

The story has too many flaws a robot dying and getting resurrected my fairy dust.

Shia Lebeoufs hand getting burned and mysteriously getting plastered all of a sudden.

The Robo-dog(Ravage) running over the fence and vomiting balls was so gay

haha and the balls turn into robots! The little robots joining together to become a bigger robot was gay too!

I think the Main problem with ROTF was that it had way too many robots

I would say that Terminator salvation was way better than this in the sense that it had only limited number robots but they seemed way cooler and intelligent than these stupid gay robots. There was variety like the bike- bots, hyrobots and the arnie-bot and the way in which the action scenes were captured was away better in Terminator salvation .The explosions looked great because it was zoomed out, whereas in ROTF the close-up shots made me dizzy! I could only figure out that something was fighting something and people running like crazy around amidst the chaos!

Talking about running the only thing that kept my concentration going was to see Megan fox running in slow-mo! She was running all over the place for gods know why!

It was literally a Hot run feast! hehe

Now I know I can always count on Megan fox if Angelina Jolie dies of tattoo poisoning or while having “umptuplets”.Anyway the way things are going I think Michael bay might even turn her into a robot the Mega-foxbuttron!!

I think the movie could have been better if it weren’t for all the unnecessary explosions and complicated special effects. I know Michael bay is known for his explosions but here he made the robots look so gay-It was literally Metal on metal action hehe. The initial part had a story then it was just running, screaming and explosions. Bay Made it Gay!

Finally to conclude there can only be One! The best Robot in the history of world cinema! Arnie of T2:Judgement day! U SUCK BUMBLE- BEE!! EAT SCRAP!!

(I don’t like the way Bumblee is looking at arnie..haha)

Phew this post was longer than I expected. Anyway I had promised you all about my post on meeting Satan. Sorry to disappoint you people. But Satan is on vacation now in Gods own country. He has promised to send us post cards though. There is also a special competition organized by Satan for our weirdworld where you get a chance to win a free trip to hell for commenting! So hurry up send in your comments Now!

Hasta Lavista Weirdos!



Ashwathy said...

oh. my. stars!!!
did u actually write that? u ought to patent it!! that was the funniest review i read in ages! i'm not kidding you... i was clutching my stomach and laughing so hard i thot i'd fall off my chair! :D i was ROTFL (no, not ur ROTF, dont worry)

"ugly romeo" "tatoo poisoning and umptuplets" "mega-foxbuttron" "Rajesh khanna gets beaten, stabbed, shot, and buried alive and later he crawls out from the grave like a retarded zombie" ... hahahah... too good! "She was running all over the place for gods know why"... ROFL.. u make her sound like a mad dog or something!

yes some of my friends saw this movie and gave me terrible reviews. am i glad i steered clear of this movie! ur review confirms it.

anywayz good work... keep it coming!

vimmuuu said...

Do I really need to comment? I already told you what I felt about this excellent write up of yours.

You need to blog frequently and I would want you to start interacting with other bloggers pretty soon.

Rakesh said...

OMG some one actually commented here!

@weirdo ashwathy
Greetings one eyed lady! Welcome to weird world!
Thanx a lot for ur support! :)
I am really happy to know tht uliked it.
Actually i think all the credit must go to vimmmuu for introducing me to this blogworld and for making me forcibly comment on his blog during its initial stages and finally inspiring me to create a world of my own.

I wrote this post mainly bcoz this movie was even more worse thn twilight!
Abt ya abt Megan fox i dont think she is a mad dog,she is more like a hot dog! :P
You better fix tht chair of urs before u get urself hurt again!

And i proud to announce tht both u and vimmuu gets free tickets from satan as promised!! buhahahaha

Rakesh said...

@weirdo vimmuuu

Offcourse u have to comment here!No one leaves my planet without commenting!! buhahahhaha

Thanx for the comment bro!I am blushing now!

well i will try to be regular as possible.I just hope the transformers wont hunt me down for this! I get an eerie feeling evrytime i see my toaster!

Jyothi said...

Hey Rakesh!!
Its really amazing..i dint know that you write so well....keep writing such stuff. I am really impressed!

Rakesh said...

@weirdo jyothi

Thanx :)

I will keep writing such stuff,if u keep commenting such stuff!

Anonymous said...

Do you think it was all gay coz you might have been going through a questionable phase?
Just a thought ;)

Rakesh said...

@ weirdo soulsez

Ho Ho Ho..tht was a gud one...felt like a punch on the face..hehe..ouch!

Anyway even if i was goin thru such a situation,bumblee bee is too gay to be even considered gay-worthy!